Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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