i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
