im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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