Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
