So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
