I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
