ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
