I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
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I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
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George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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