you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
