they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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