He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
