i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
