Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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