When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
