She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
