You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
