That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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