he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
