Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize