Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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