I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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