I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
