Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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