was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
