Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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