You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
