Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
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Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It's never too late to be topless.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
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Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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