dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
