I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
