she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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