Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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