My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
