You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My feet surprised me
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
