Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
