my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
