I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Less talking, more tequila
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
MIDGETS
????
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
