Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The Olympian is in my bed
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
