no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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