My room smells like vodka and shame
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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