oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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