Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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