Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
