...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
