He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
