btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
