Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Can't talk, ducks in the car
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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