She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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