You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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