My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
