Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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