If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
