Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
