my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
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He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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