got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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