can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
he just fucked me for my cheese..
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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