maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
