my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
