I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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