I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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