Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
