so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
