my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
