I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
