I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
